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How Microsoft Got Dracula to Bite Coyote


Once Coyote started a consulting company with Fox’s husband. In this time, everyone was buying new computers running WindowsXP.

Coyote went to the offices of some people who sold land and managed property. He knew the owner was extremely conscious of security and was worried about computer viruses.

“Do not worry about viruses,” said Coyote, “I am exceedingly clever. I am friends with Dracula.”

“With who?” asked the owner, confused.

“Dracula. He is a very scary fellow from Romania. He has built a very powerful linux anti-virus product called RAV.” The owner was impressed.

Coyote and Fox's husband took a computer that was being replaced and made it into a linux firewall using a distribution called Slackware. They put RAV onto it, and used a thing called Squid to also make the firewall store parts of the internet that the office was visiting often. They used a thing called Samba to make it talk to the other computers on the network and use RAV to scan them. They used another thing called perl to tell RAV that any parts of the internet that were being stored should be scanned in real time. “Wow,” said the owner, “the internet seems to have gotten faster since you put in Dracula’s anti-virus.” “Yes,” said Coyote. “We are exceedingly clever. Here is a service contract on your new security server.” The owner signed the contract and Coyote went away to try to sell more of these clever security devices. They worked well. They even caught some viruses like VBN.loveletter and Win32.ELkern. Coyote and Fox's husband took these and put them in trophies.tar.gz.

So Coyote went on an adventure into the world, leaving Fox's husband in charge.

Fox’s husband was, if anything, even more clever than Coyote. But he was perhaps, not so good at talking to clients. This might not have been a problem, if Microsoft had not hated linux so much.

Microsoft did not like linux. They went to Dracula and said “We have heard that you have made an anti-virus for linux. A thing called RAV. We think we can use it to make future versions of Windows better. We would like to give you some money to go bite all of your customers.”

Dracula took Microsoft’s money. He went and bit Coyote and Fox’s husband and sucked out all the power that RAV had given them. “Ouch!” said Coyote.

RAV stopped working. And because of this, the clever devices stopped working. And because of this those who used them called Fox’s husband. “What is happening?” they demanded to know. When Coyote returned, they were all angry at Fox’s husband. Which wasn’t fair. It wasn’t really his fault.

The consulting company died from Dracula’s bite. But Coyote learned a lesson about being dependent on one vendor for an important solution.

Now Dracula is rich. But Coyote is still running linux.


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